KAP: Unexpected Benefits

I started Ketamine-Assisted Psychotherapy not only as part of my training, but to address PTSD that I developed following a traumatic incident back in October that woke up my then-manageable depression. My nervous system was heightened and I had a really hard time stopping all those behaviors that I so often tell my clients are unhelpful! I found myself ruminating, exposing myself to triggers, engaging in trauma-related conversation, having conflict with loved ones, flashbacks, eating disturbances, rage etc. It was BAD.

My first ketamine session gave my system a break from the constant activation of PTSD. I was able to relax and connect with my body in a way that the trauma had not let me. It was a relief and a release. After that session, I started to feel empowered to approach life with a little more trust, a little more faith, and a little more kindness.

I started to believe it could be better.

I’ll be journeying for the 8th time soon. This morning, I experienced exposure to a trigger that would’ve sent me off the edge just a few months ago. I would have been calling everyone who would listen, ruminating, and throwing my day out the window. Today, I was able to brush it off, distract myself, listen to music, and ask my husband for a hug instead of exploding over something minor.

I have always loved music, but because of my symptoms and depression, I haven’t been able to connect in a long time. One of the most wonderful gifts that KAP has given me is a rekindled love of music. I remember losing myself in sound as a child, but I can’t remember the last time I felt that way as an adult. I am now consistently seeking out new music to lose myself to. I’m back to singing and playing guitar.

I have also started painting again, something I haven’t done joyfully in almost a decade. And I’m excited to try new fashion and see more art.

I have a delicate relationship with movement and exercise- being a very body-based individual, I can tend to go a little overboard with rigidity. While I’m healing from a major surgery and not allowed to move my body in funky ways for a while longer, I can’t wait to dance.

I’m thrilled that my PTSD symptoms are not taking over my existence anymore, but more than that, I feel like
my passion and admiration for life is back.